It seems that North Korea is coming around to the realization that it is no longer the global standard for “back assward-ness” as it prepares to launch a test rocket that is capable of carrying a nuclear payload. South Korean intelligence sources say that a train carrying a “long, cylinder-shaped object” was spotted en route to a possible new launch site on North Korea’s west coast. The missile has been classified as a modified version of their Taepodong-2 specification that, unmodified, is said to have a range of 4,160 miles, which puts Alaska within range. It has been speculated that the modified rocket will be able to travel much farther, possibly to the West Coast of the United States, although reactions to this news are mixed as California’s government and economy are in the throws of their own nuclear meltdown. But Cali shouldn’t worry too much because despite their ability to make a big aluminum tube and a rocket engine powerful enough to lift it skyward, the North Korean nuclear program has not developed an atomic payload light enough to fit atop the rocket. For the time being, the world is safe from the angry little man with the beehive hair.
This test comes on the heels of what has been called “the most significant event in recent history,” or the swearing in (and subsequent re-swearing in) of President Barry O. Many believe that North Korea’s new missile tests are an attempt to wrest the spotlight away from Barry, the economy and the Gaza conflict whilst getting some much needed PR time for that wacky dictatorship up north. Although, I think that it may just be a lame attempt to get Hillary Clinton–the newly appointed Secretary of Hand-Wringing and Appeasement Secretary of State–to pay the communist utopia a visit.
I hear they’re big fans of her over there.
Details to follow.
